


That Which is Given

by slashedsilver



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sacrifice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-10-17
Updated: 2008-10-17
Packaged: 2017-10-17 23:51:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/182675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slashedsilver/pseuds/slashedsilver
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some sacrifices are worth making. New friendships are forged at new cost.</p>
            </blockquote>





	That Which is Given

**Author's Note:**

> Written as a tag to 1x04, _The Poisoned Chalice_.

It took about a week for Merlin’s hands to stop trembling.

Gaius watched in amusement as Merlin tried once more to put exactly three drops of safflower oil into Sir Owen’s daily mixture—and missed yet again.

“Crud.” Merlin’s mournful expression was almost enough to stir Gaius into correcting the mixture for him, but he forced himself to stop. Some lessons had to be learned the hard way, and if Merlin was to be destined for greater deeds, he needed to first recognise the limits of his magic.

Gaius cleared his throat loudly, and was gratified to see Merlin jump. “Well, it wasn’t exactly wise of you to conjure up random light balls when you were lying half-conscious. Did it never occur to you that you needed to conserve your energy to get well?” He couldn’t quite keep the bite out of his voice; the few minutes when they’d thought Merlin had died was something he wouldn’t be forgetting anytime soon. Merlin had a destiny to fulfil. Gaius was going to make sure he fulfilled it.

Merlin blew out a breath and set the bottle on the table. “He was going to die, Gaius!” Gaius noted with decided satisfaction that Merlin was no longer pretending he couldn’t remember what had transpired. “He was going to  _die_. On my account!” Merlin’s expression became pensive. “I couldn’t let that happen, you know that, Gaius. I had to lead him out of there somehow.”

“And so you thought it would be perfectly fine if  _you_  died on his behalf, then,” Gaius said, as dryly as he could manage.

“It wasn’t like that!” Merlin protested. “It wasn’t a... one for one trade, or exchange—or anything. It wasn’t as though it was my life for his. Just, at that time, he needed the magic a little more. And I was okay, you know—I could still hold out without it.” Gaius watched as he carefully placed his palms on the tabletop to steady the trembling. “And I’m doing fine, in any case—the strength’s returning to my hands already. I should be able to use magic again in no time.” He offered a reassuring smile that fell somewhat flat.

Gaius regarded him seriously. “I’m beginning to wonder if you have any sense of self-preservation at all. No, don’t interrupt. You were the one who blatantly antagonised Prince Arthur—“

“It wasn’t as though I knew he was a prince at the time!” Merlin said, vaguely offended.

“— _twice_ , even after you found out who he was,” Gaius said. “And then you made a complete turnaround and started defending him with your life, to the extent of drinking a cupful of poison and subsequently using up all your remaining energy resources to make little light balls for lost princes.”

A slight hesitation. “Well, when you put it like  _that_ …“

“I am not ‘putting’ it like that; ‘that’ is exactly how it is.”

There was nothing then but a mullish silence, and Gaius marvelled again how the relationship between the two boys had changed so drastically. They’d been at instant loggerheads with each other when they’d first met, both of them strong personalities with strong ideals. And then Merlin had come to acknowledge his role as Arthur’s servant—no, how had he put it exactly? “Two sides of the same coin.” And Arthur was the other side. From then it seemed as though they had both rapidly forgotten their personality clash, and had instead settled into a routine of ensuring the other didn’t do anything too life-threateningly idiotic. Gaius felt almost ridiculously fond of his boys.

Unfortunately, when that resulted in one of them carelessly throwing their life away for the other, it meant that Gaius had to step in, and stepping in was something he did spectacularly.

“Now, it’s not that I’m not happy about your new friendship, Merlin.” Gaius momentarily regretted his choice of words, as he caught Merlin’s eyes softening almost imperceptibly at the term. He pushed on doggedly. “That is to say, I know what this means to you, finding someone you can relate to here in Camelot. But you have to remember that you have great things to fulfil, to accomplish, and you can’t do this by losing your life.”

Merlin’s eyes were still fixed on a faraway point that appeared to be somewhere above Gaius’s left shoulder. A small smile tugged Merlin’s lips upwards. “Things like this make it worth it.”

Stepping in was probably something Gaius needed more work on.

***

Across the castle, Arthur carefully set his sword down at the fireplace.

 _“I’m proud of you,”_  Uther had said. He’d been a real hero, Arthur had. He had prudently decided on the right course of action, and had brought home a victory that demonstrated his bravery and his commitment to even his servant. An act truly befitting of the future king of Camelot.

But being the future king meant that sacrifices would eventually have to be made. Being king meant great responsibility, and not just to friends and the family he cared deeply about, but also to his immediate subjects and servants and to the entire kingdom. And sometimes this could mean sacrificing the people he loved for the good of the kingdom, for what was a kingdom without its king?

Never before had Arthur felt so deeply uncomfortable with the title he had revered and had been preparing for since childhood.  _Being king meant people might die, for **him**._

A sudden chill came over him, and he shivered. 

He didn’t want to see that happening again. Merlin taking the blow for him, getting poisoned and coming so close to losing his life. It had been the subject of his nightmares—what if he had gotten back a bit too late, if Gwen hadn’t come down to retrieve the mortius flower when he’d been kept in the cell, if it turned out he’d brought back the wrong flower after all... and what if he’d emerged from the cell only to see Merlin’s cold, still body, and hear Gwen and Gaius say that they’d done their best, but it had just been too late...

Arthur shook his head violently to clear out the thoughts, and gripped the fireplace mantle fiercely.

It wasn't going to happen again. He was king, but Merlin was his servant, and he had an obligation he had to fulfil to that insufferable, self-sacrificing idiot.

He couldn't let it happen again.


End file.
